Chapter 2
Truthfully it is hard to know whether we have made the right decision to love someone and give all that our heart could give for that special someone, in hope that, they wouldn’t break us into pieces and that someone would sincerely give his/her heart to us as well. People could be madly in love, lifted up flying in the air for he/she had found true love and so called soul mate. Lucky people end up in beautiful marriages, n some unlucky ones ended being left behind. Whichever the course takes u, it is all given by God, and all you could do is to love them with all your hearts deeply n sincerely at the very beginning of that relationship, no matter what suicidal ending it will be for you. You just wouldn’t know, would you? You might love them dearly, but they may someday fall outta love or they just may not be so into you at the very beginning, and I know it hurts so bad, so deep, but that’s just how your love story goes… he/she might truly love you or just might be using u instead,,, either way, he/she might be your MFEO or just might be not!
M.F.E.O. +minus 4 years, funny how it sounded so familiar to me, kak nonoy and cebs! Being such a close fren, more than brother’s n sister’s to each other, would make you feel deeply touched by whatever your fren is feeling; happy or sad! Kak nonoy, have gone thru 4 years of marriage with a sarawakian, a kelabit guy named Albert, who converted to Islam for his love towards her. They were gifted with a son named Aaron. Cute handsome boy! I loved him. I remembered years back, being introduced to his husband at their house in Subang, we were smiling and laughing for surprisingly both of us ended up loving a Sarawakian man. Albert asked my B bangsa apa, I said melayu Melanau. He smiled, we didn’t chat much, for that time, my sist n I was so happy touching kak nonoy’s pregnant belly. Masih ingat lagi, wearing baby T’s with her bulat belly and her piercing showing out. Hahaha! Ganas pompuan ni tau! But unsangkarable, after these four years, kak nonoys is down with her problems, tears starts falling down from her eyes. She just having trouble in paradise as well, things gets harder as a wife and keeping her husband and child safely close to Islam, while her husband now enjoys forex gambling and she just keeps on struggling with her in laws whom still feeding pork onto their table. We all felt deeply moved by her story, and wishing strength for her to save her marriage, Sometimes when things get so tough, she had doubts to go separate lives, but deep down she knew and keep reminding herself that, to get married is so hard and to sign a single paper that would determine their future as a family together is even harder, She whom I knew well, is such a strong women. My only advised is that, she should not give up just yet, if she feels weaker and could not help the family for the better, she should seek guidance from Islamic intellectuals in helping to bring his husband closer to Islam. InsyaAllah, there is a better way, for those who never fail of trying. Who knew right, +minus 4 years, still couldn’t promise anything of being MFEO!
My dear Cebs, we were all oh so happy for him, when he met FG, he seemed so happy… he’s so ready to settled down. Man.., 4 years for them knowing being close to another, but having doubts and moments of sadness now, does makes one heart’s blue! Moreover, seeing some of our fren is happily married and expecting their junior, does making it much harder to take on. I know how he really feels inside, we all do, that’s why when I was asked, what was my view on his situation now.. At first I bluntly said that ‘hey, I have no more views on love, so sorry, I don’t trust love anymore so please don’t ask me!’. At that moment, I saw him smiling back at me, well he knew me close enough, how and why I said so. He was there when I had my recent major breakdown… giving me advises and words of comfort… well same as him, my 4 years of relationship, ever so ready to tying the knot, be loved and loving my ex’s as well as his family, was put to an end heartlessly, washed down the drain before I even know it. But, looking to Cebs face’s now, I know I can’t be selfish. He’s having trouble and heading to a meltdown. I loved him much; I don’t want him to suffer as I do. So I positively changed my mood, to being a dear fren now n focusing on him. My sista, Iqhwan n kak nonoy who is the closest to him, ‘pum pam’ arguing, giving their feedback, backfiring to his relationship with FG. They were totally against FG now. To them, she’s clearly not truly sincere to him and is up to no good, but somehow, at the end of d day, Cebs is the one to decide wut he really wants, and no matter what he decided on, we will always support him, Even though, it is definitely hard for him to getting us to like the girl the now! I don’t think we could ever be gurlfwens! No way hose! Cos’ seriously we all nk start clan or fan club ‘Mansuhkan FG’, it was Iqhwan’s idea anyway.
Seriously, I hated seeing him so down like that. Me n Cebs, we have tis history tht none of our fren cud ever solved. Even me! They always stressing that we seemed to argue mcm anjing dgn kucing each time berjumpa, but peliknya we cared about each other. They always said tht there’s sumthin fishy between us dari dulu, acting silly. Well, simple answer, anak ke2 and ke3 mmg macam tu kot! Now, when things get so hard in our love life, they said we are too picky and that actually we didn’t realized that what is right for us is the one sitting in front of our eyes all these while. Gulp! Hmm, why am I writing this… yikes! Hey truthfully by now, we know where we stand in each other’s heart. I am intimidated when being with him, and so to speak, that’s how he felt towards me also. We just can’t be more thn tht or at least I tahu I x layak for him ever definitely. And I just dun want this nonsense or ideas from or beloved frens to jeopardize our friendship! We introduced each others soulmate, or at least the person that we thought meant the world to us. He would show his thoughts n feeling about my guy, n I would share mine bout his girl. And so does all our friends, is it a GO GO or a NO GO? Hehehehe,,, Yang penting, kawan2 semua setuju and suka!
I dislike FG not becos am jealous or anything, Ok, adalah a slight jealousy, but mostly cos, I rasa dia ni tak hormat elders. One fine nite, my mum was in town, n nak sgt dinner dgn Cebs. Me n Cebs pun had planned for this dinner lama gak, tapi tunggu dia free je, That nite, katanya meet up dekat dpn TheCurve, while waiting for him dalam kereta, my mum dah mula marah cos, tunggu almost half an hour for him to come down. Finally, he left FG’s car and hopped on to ours, apologizing many times, for he cudn’t get away from her, merengek manja dun leave her, eventho he dah mentioned will be having dinner ngn close family. Ajak her to join us, but she refused for segan lah and tak nak ganggu, My mum tegur lah, kenapa yang Cebs being unrespectful ni? How could he let us wait so long? N then plak tu time dinner, she kept calling every 10 mins.. phew! That moment on, I know, I dun like her at all! And then, after reading all those tabloids, hurm,, confirm me tak gemar berita2 diaorg yg semakin dibuat-buat tu… Loving someone is to be brave, is to be happy to announce that you are in love with that someone… not beating around the bush and playing with media just to help u ahead in ur career! Love is pure, sweet n faithful, love is honest, and love is to respect each other. Anyhow, this is his love triangle! I wished him the best… and if he cud be strong, and think that this is the best for him, I would be more than 110% supportive. Others just keep on disliking her… cos we all knew Cebs very well… he is definitely most sincere in love. He cherished love. He’s definitely torn apart right now!
Cebs, supported me before, n even make an effort to befriended with someone I fall in love with. He even hangouts with us once a while and joining me supporting my love at one of his music gig at 12! I remembered introducing my ex to Cebs, he was reluctant at first, same reaction as my family, but slowly thankfully getting green lights from them. Man, how hard that moment was. How deep have I thought about it? Seriously, no family or fren, would ever agree to whom I decided giving my heart to. And talking bout being too picky? Hey, I think I’m the one who is the least yang suka memilih ok? Cos am the person who would loved sincerely, even when was asked to loved him and his packages, A chance he asked, and so I gave him. Now, thinking back, only a silly girl like me, would opt to be faithful, respectful, loving, waiting, hoping for chances and accepting hardship coming my way and believing that this love of mine is pure and worthwhile, and somehow the world would understand, Unfortunately, things go astray; my dear love, he didn’t see me as what I see in him, who he is in my life, how he meant the world to me, how I respected him and think of only goodness in him. He turns out to be someone who I never thought he would be, and he left me behind alone. He asked me to wish him happiness. And so I did, my last note to him, few days before his birthday was that, ‘Early birthday wishes for you. I will be that person wishing you happiness, semoga semua yang dirimu hajati akan tercapai’. One slack thing was that, I am not as brave as I am now, I cried a lot. But I’ve stopped crying in front of my friends but only when am alone becos bukan senang, cakap senanglah, deep inside I was still down with my broken heart. I even confessed for my sins and seek guidance deeper in Islam, The only way to be better is to admit our mistakes in the most honest way. Solat fardhu jangan ditinggalkan, mengaji and menghafaz Al-Quran, Bersyukur, I masih ada peluang menjadi lebih baik, dan hati I masih terang, cos, I masih ingat kata2 Ustazah Badariah in high school dulu… kalau hati kita gelap, ayat quran akan susah untuk kita hafaz. I was so bersyukur, talking to mama lately for I berjaya menghafaz few surah Quran dengan cepat dan tenang, like I used to. I ni boleh kata student kesayangan ustazah gak lah, sebab notty sgt n among the first yang berjaya hafaz surah… Hee teringat, Ustazah Badariah (a.k.a coach softball I, me in d school team act, my spot ‘Shot Stop’ wearing Jersy #11) hehehe, iklan tetiba!, Anyhow, me selalu je kena panggil nama baca tilawah al-quran in class, takbir raya lah, n tolong assessed budak2 lain for Ujian PAFA! But me kan always cool je, so senang je tolong passed kan my fren yg slowmo tu ahahaha, cos time agama slalunye near recess time, n am a busy girl! Nak lak kena lari cepat time recess cos, I nk beli keropok n a can of coke kat canteen dulu, n then rushed bilik pengetua ambik kunci to d P.A set, where I hv to be there on stage sebelah Music system to play songs during recess hour…. AJK Music Club lah katakan, nk wat camne, dah tugas, kenalah bekerja jadi school DJ, But it was a blast for me! Ape2pun, me scored A’s in agama and ujian PAFA! Sayangnye, in life, bila diduga Allah SWT, tersasar juga Aqidah, melintasi garisan syaitan! All kerana cinta yang tiada, Astrahfirullahazim, moga dikuatkan iman kini. But, unfortunately, me serik to fall in love. Sorry, eventho’ my sist, my bil, cebs, kak nonoy, kak ainul, mama n vavava marah me for losing hope. This is one chapter in life yang I rasa serik untuk dilalui lagi, Esp, after everyone most meaningful to me, had loved my ex dearly… it became so saddening to me now, for everything’s had changed drastically! Now I will be yelled at, for semua akan marah bila saja me tersebut dat one particular name… U know sumtimes it gets so mellow inside, missing that someone so badly n at the same time have to sedarkan diri balik, that he was never true to our love… it just eats your heart out slowly! So, rasanya let me be the one who loved my family dearly, my fren, my anak saudara to be, dan anak2 kawan only. If whoever need a friend, you will have a fren in me,
Made For Each Other… +minus 4 years… definitely is just not for me! but for dear Cebs and kak nonoys... my prayers will always be with u both. Hopefully you both found a pot of gold at the end of your rainbow!
M.F.E.O. +minus 4 years, funny how it sounded so familiar to me, kak nonoy and cebs! Being such a close fren, more than brother’s n sister’s to each other, would make you feel deeply touched by whatever your fren is feeling; happy or sad! Kak nonoy, have gone thru 4 years of marriage with a sarawakian, a kelabit guy named Albert, who converted to Islam for his love towards her. They were gifted with a son named Aaron. Cute handsome boy! I loved him. I remembered years back, being introduced to his husband at their house in Subang, we were smiling and laughing for surprisingly both of us ended up loving a Sarawakian man. Albert asked my B bangsa apa, I said melayu Melanau. He smiled, we didn’t chat much, for that time, my sist n I was so happy touching kak nonoy’s pregnant belly. Masih ingat lagi, wearing baby T’s with her bulat belly and her piercing showing out. Hahaha! Ganas pompuan ni tau! But unsangkarable, after these four years, kak nonoys is down with her problems, tears starts falling down from her eyes. She just having trouble in paradise as well, things gets harder as a wife and keeping her husband and child safely close to Islam, while her husband now enjoys forex gambling and she just keeps on struggling with her in laws whom still feeding pork onto their table. We all felt deeply moved by her story, and wishing strength for her to save her marriage, Sometimes when things get so tough, she had doubts to go separate lives, but deep down she knew and keep reminding herself that, to get married is so hard and to sign a single paper that would determine their future as a family together is even harder, She whom I knew well, is such a strong women. My only advised is that, she should not give up just yet, if she feels weaker and could not help the family for the better, she should seek guidance from Islamic intellectuals in helping to bring his husband closer to Islam. InsyaAllah, there is a better way, for those who never fail of trying. Who knew right, +minus 4 years, still couldn’t promise anything of being MFEO!
My dear Cebs, we were all oh so happy for him, when he met FG, he seemed so happy… he’s so ready to settled down. Man.., 4 years for them knowing being close to another, but having doubts and moments of sadness now, does makes one heart’s blue! Moreover, seeing some of our fren is happily married and expecting their junior, does making it much harder to take on. I know how he really feels inside, we all do, that’s why when I was asked, what was my view on his situation now.. At first I bluntly said that ‘hey, I have no more views on love, so sorry, I don’t trust love anymore so please don’t ask me!’. At that moment, I saw him smiling back at me, well he knew me close enough, how and why I said so. He was there when I had my recent major breakdown… giving me advises and words of comfort… well same as him, my 4 years of relationship, ever so ready to tying the knot, be loved and loving my ex’s as well as his family, was put to an end heartlessly, washed down the drain before I even know it. But, looking to Cebs face’s now, I know I can’t be selfish. He’s having trouble and heading to a meltdown. I loved him much; I don’t want him to suffer as I do. So I positively changed my mood, to being a dear fren now n focusing on him. My sista, Iqhwan n kak nonoy who is the closest to him, ‘pum pam’ arguing, giving their feedback, backfiring to his relationship with FG. They were totally against FG now. To them, she’s clearly not truly sincere to him and is up to no good, but somehow, at the end of d day, Cebs is the one to decide wut he really wants, and no matter what he decided on, we will always support him, Even though, it is definitely hard for him to getting us to like the girl the now! I don’t think we could ever be gurlfwens! No way hose! Cos’ seriously we all nk start clan or fan club ‘Mansuhkan FG’, it was Iqhwan’s idea anyway.
Seriously, I hated seeing him so down like that. Me n Cebs, we have tis history tht none of our fren cud ever solved. Even me! They always stressing that we seemed to argue mcm anjing dgn kucing each time berjumpa, but peliknya we cared about each other. They always said tht there’s sumthin fishy between us dari dulu, acting silly. Well, simple answer, anak ke2 and ke3 mmg macam tu kot! Now, when things get so hard in our love life, they said we are too picky and that actually we didn’t realized that what is right for us is the one sitting in front of our eyes all these while. Gulp! Hmm, why am I writing this… yikes! Hey truthfully by now, we know where we stand in each other’s heart. I am intimidated when being with him, and so to speak, that’s how he felt towards me also. We just can’t be more thn tht or at least I tahu I x layak for him ever definitely. And I just dun want this nonsense or ideas from or beloved frens to jeopardize our friendship! We introduced each others soulmate, or at least the person that we thought meant the world to us. He would show his thoughts n feeling about my guy, n I would share mine bout his girl. And so does all our friends, is it a GO GO or a NO GO? Hehehehe,,, Yang penting, kawan2 semua setuju and suka!
I dislike FG not becos am jealous or anything, Ok, adalah a slight jealousy, but mostly cos, I rasa dia ni tak hormat elders. One fine nite, my mum was in town, n nak sgt dinner dgn Cebs. Me n Cebs pun had planned for this dinner lama gak, tapi tunggu dia free je, That nite, katanya meet up dekat dpn TheCurve, while waiting for him dalam kereta, my mum dah mula marah cos, tunggu almost half an hour for him to come down. Finally, he left FG’s car and hopped on to ours, apologizing many times, for he cudn’t get away from her, merengek manja dun leave her, eventho he dah mentioned will be having dinner ngn close family. Ajak her to join us, but she refused for segan lah and tak nak ganggu, My mum tegur lah, kenapa yang Cebs being unrespectful ni? How could he let us wait so long? N then plak tu time dinner, she kept calling every 10 mins.. phew! That moment on, I know, I dun like her at all! And then, after reading all those tabloids, hurm,, confirm me tak gemar berita2 diaorg yg semakin dibuat-buat tu… Loving someone is to be brave, is to be happy to announce that you are in love with that someone… not beating around the bush and playing with media just to help u ahead in ur career! Love is pure, sweet n faithful, love is honest, and love is to respect each other. Anyhow, this is his love triangle! I wished him the best… and if he cud be strong, and think that this is the best for him, I would be more than 110% supportive. Others just keep on disliking her… cos we all knew Cebs very well… he is definitely most sincere in love. He cherished love. He’s definitely torn apart right now!
Cebs, supported me before, n even make an effort to befriended with someone I fall in love with. He even hangouts with us once a while and joining me supporting my love at one of his music gig at 12! I remembered introducing my ex to Cebs, he was reluctant at first, same reaction as my family, but slowly thankfully getting green lights from them. Man, how hard that moment was. How deep have I thought about it? Seriously, no family or fren, would ever agree to whom I decided giving my heart to. And talking bout being too picky? Hey, I think I’m the one who is the least yang suka memilih ok? Cos am the person who would loved sincerely, even when was asked to loved him and his packages, A chance he asked, and so I gave him. Now, thinking back, only a silly girl like me, would opt to be faithful, respectful, loving, waiting, hoping for chances and accepting hardship coming my way and believing that this love of mine is pure and worthwhile, and somehow the world would understand, Unfortunately, things go astray; my dear love, he didn’t see me as what I see in him, who he is in my life, how he meant the world to me, how I respected him and think of only goodness in him. He turns out to be someone who I never thought he would be, and he left me behind alone. He asked me to wish him happiness. And so I did, my last note to him, few days before his birthday was that, ‘Early birthday wishes for you. I will be that person wishing you happiness, semoga semua yang dirimu hajati akan tercapai’. One slack thing was that, I am not as brave as I am now, I cried a lot. But I’ve stopped crying in front of my friends but only when am alone becos bukan senang, cakap senanglah, deep inside I was still down with my broken heart. I even confessed for my sins and seek guidance deeper in Islam, The only way to be better is to admit our mistakes in the most honest way. Solat fardhu jangan ditinggalkan, mengaji and menghafaz Al-Quran, Bersyukur, I masih ada peluang menjadi lebih baik, dan hati I masih terang, cos, I masih ingat kata2 Ustazah Badariah in high school dulu… kalau hati kita gelap, ayat quran akan susah untuk kita hafaz. I was so bersyukur, talking to mama lately for I berjaya menghafaz few surah Quran dengan cepat dan tenang, like I used to. I ni boleh kata student kesayangan ustazah gak lah, sebab notty sgt n among the first yang berjaya hafaz surah… Hee teringat, Ustazah Badariah (a.k.a coach softball I, me in d school team act, my spot ‘Shot Stop’ wearing Jersy #11) hehehe, iklan tetiba!, Anyhow, me selalu je kena panggil nama baca tilawah al-quran in class, takbir raya lah, n tolong assessed budak2 lain for Ujian PAFA! But me kan always cool je, so senang je tolong passed kan my fren yg slowmo tu ahahaha, cos time agama slalunye near recess time, n am a busy girl! Nak lak kena lari cepat time recess cos, I nk beli keropok n a can of coke kat canteen dulu, n then rushed bilik pengetua ambik kunci to d P.A set, where I hv to be there on stage sebelah Music system to play songs during recess hour…. AJK Music Club lah katakan, nk wat camne, dah tugas, kenalah bekerja jadi school DJ, But it was a blast for me! Ape2pun, me scored A’s in agama and ujian PAFA! Sayangnye, in life, bila diduga Allah SWT, tersasar juga Aqidah, melintasi garisan syaitan! All kerana cinta yang tiada, Astrahfirullahazim, moga dikuatkan iman kini. But, unfortunately, me serik to fall in love. Sorry, eventho’ my sist, my bil, cebs, kak nonoy, kak ainul, mama n vavava marah me for losing hope. This is one chapter in life yang I rasa serik untuk dilalui lagi, Esp, after everyone most meaningful to me, had loved my ex dearly… it became so saddening to me now, for everything’s had changed drastically! Now I will be yelled at, for semua akan marah bila saja me tersebut dat one particular name… U know sumtimes it gets so mellow inside, missing that someone so badly n at the same time have to sedarkan diri balik, that he was never true to our love… it just eats your heart out slowly! So, rasanya let me be the one who loved my family dearly, my fren, my anak saudara to be, dan anak2 kawan only. If whoever need a friend, you will have a fren in me,
Made For Each Other… +minus 4 years… definitely is just not for me! but for dear Cebs and kak nonoys... my prayers will always be with u both. Hopefully you both found a pot of gold at the end of your rainbow!
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