Welcome to my silly life..

Cracks In The Crystal Ball

 

Regret is ... 

an unavoidable result of any loss, for in loss we lose the tomorrow that we needed to make right our yesterday or today.

GERALD LAWSON SITTSER, A Grace Disguise

Yo, tis is just a cry of me heart.. thought of the day.. lost between certainty and uncertainty... only pray for the better... for the good ending!

Anyhow, troubles come and go.. a circle of life... all u gotta do is keep ur head up, and head strong.. for the good ending shall prevail soon Insyaallah. Nevertheless, heart's in misery is hard and very heavy to carry... best option or as i love to put it... Shopping is my zen..!! Not just for me alone of course, everybody got their share.. hehe.. aren't i lovable? nah, kidding... ikhlas from the heart :p.. Let see, what did i get for MYself yesterday? hurm.. well, i got two shoes, a dress and a cd... Walla.. but wut am most happy about is.... My Greatest Hits...So Far, Pink cd! the outer and inlay is xtremely marvellous... cds and dvd concert put in together as well.. pheww...wow... Touched me heart wholeheartedly.. salute to ya PinkMama!! and thank u for the 11 years as musician... I guess you know wht, beside being close to dear Allah, music always keeps me together.. hurm. and shopping... ahahaha.. FREAK OUT!

Pink: Fuckin' Perfect (I Just L.O.V.E tis new track)

Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're f*ckin' perfect to me!

You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game
It's enough! I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're f*ckin' perfect to me

The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that..?

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby..!
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me
You're perfect, you're perfect!
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less thank f*kin' perfect,
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're perfect to me...

Oh ya that was my yesterday, today sunday afternoon, santai aje...went out to Giza, for Adam's things...:) next stop, sist wanna singgah to Iq's casa... since he asked to cme by.. Such Lovely meeting for us, kakak, iqram and me... but not for lil adam... Hurm, I wonder why, apa jadi tadi ek? Adam (the ever lovely, kuat gelak, tokwan takde gigi ni) bleh jadi soooo scared of Iqram!!!! penat cebs pujuk... hurm...something wrong, nangis dia, panggil michik... til, mommy dia pun sedih pujuk son dia... so we hafto make a move from there early... huh, tertanya-tanya dlm hati smpi skrg...??? 

Anyhow, Iq will pop up to our house next, so better luck next time Iq..? MISS YA BTW...

Oh ohh,.., do u knw that, same as me.. Iq pun sibuk mencari Zen.? Same as  beberapa org lain juga agaknya.. ketenangan is serenity kan? and for dear Iq, ID is Zen.. have a look at the photos.. (mind that Iq sgt penat, baru pasang water fountain and bedding zen tu... and today is his rest day... so... agak berpakaian santai aje & a little messy looking face & hairdo he is indeed very gorgeous.. no worries laydees..dia tetap kacak dan kocak!! p/s: Congrats Iqram Dinzly fr getting a part in the next SRK, Malaysia..dari dulu dh habaq dah, u two do look alike!! :) all the best babe)

.... and so kat mana i tadi?? oh ya... Many changes since my last visit tho'... still i do liked the house... esp, cos tiada lagi phytons.. tapi ditambahnye pula birds skang ni... cuma saty je masih me and sist tak sedap hati... too gloomy and dark lah sayang oi.. u and chamber u! haiya..

aite, kinna babling je kan? cos mind not so straight thinking rite nw...i wish i kat kerja skang ni, yg penuh dgn workload...or tgh attend class... hahahahaha..boleh tak? 

??????? blur...

Bohemian Rhapsody

Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide
No escape from reality
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see
I'm just a poor boy (Poor boy)
I need no sympathy
Because I'm easy come, easy go
Little high, little low
Any way the wind blows
Doesn't really matter to me, to me


Mama just killed a man
Put a gun against his head
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead
Mama, life has just begun
But now I've gone and thrown it all away

Mama, ooh
Didn't mean to make you cry
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters


Too late, my time has come
Sends shivers down my spine
Body's aching all the time
Goodbye, everybody
I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth


Mama, oooooooh (Anyway the wind blows)
I don't want to die
Sometimes wish I'd never been born at all


[Guitar Solo]


I see a little silhouetto of a man
Scaramouch, Scaramouch, will you do the Fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me
(Galileo) Galileo (Galileo) Galileo, Galileo Figaro
Magnifico-o-o-o-o
I'm just a poor boy nobody loves me
He's just a poor boy from a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity


Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?
Bismillah! No, we will not let you go
Let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go
Let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go
Let me go (Will not let you go)
Let me go (Will not let you go) (Never, never, never, never)
Let me go, o, o, o, o
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
(Oh mama mia, mama mia) Mama Mia, let me go
Beelzebub has the devil put aside for me, for me, for me!


So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye
So you think you can love me and leave me to die
Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here


[Guitar Solo]
(Oooh yeah, Oooh yeah)


Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
Nothing really matters
Nothing really matters to me
Any way the wind blows...


-------------------------------------------

Any way the wind blows... :(

Am shiver in me timber now.. hati hancur, sad, down with the whole situation, this is my story, the consequences. trubulances came like hurricane.. heart-broken, world shatters into pieces, tears in me eyes, led to bad decision... led to my own destruction... up and going the wave keeps battling with me.. sometimes clear winds, sunny days, sumtimes like today, lightning, thunder... Ya Allah,Ya Karim, keep me together, for I know, u have given me so much lately, integrity, wealth, health, power and confidence, please may this only be test for me... for me to finally let go of all things.... please may it be only a lesson. please may money I've earned so very hard for, be worthwhile to solve hutang dunia ini. I Shouldnt fear human, i should be brave.. cos they're no You, doaku, agar ku tabah hadapi semua ini.

Ilaa hilaastu lil Firdausi ahla, walaa aqwaa ‘alaa Naaril Jahiimi. Allah, fahablii taubatan waghfir dzunuubii, fainnaka Ghafirun dzambil ‘adziimi

"Ilaa hilaastu lil Firdausi ahla, walaa aqwaa ‘alaa Naaril Jahiimi. Allah fahablii taubatan waghfir, dzunuubii fainnaka Ghafirun dzambil ‘adziimi"

Tuhanku aku tidak layak
untuk syurgaMu
tetapi aku tidak pula
sanggup menanggung
seksa nerakaMu,
dari itu kurniakanlah
ampunan kepadaku,
ampunkanlah dosaku,
sesungguhnya Engkaulah pengampun
dosa-dosa besar........

Shopping is Zen! sumtimes.. ahaks

Salam, first and foremost this entry is isn't me tryna boasting around! ....But, dear God tuhan je tahu, how tired i am, memecahkan otak everyday fulfilling my new responsibilities,..walaupun setiap hariku, setiap ibadahku sgt bersyukur pada ilahi.. tapi terkadang terjerit batinku... Penatnye Kowt Ya Allah! harap permudahkanlah setiap langkah2ku,.. Jauh sudut hati, Aku kerisauan dgn cabaran baru, amat takut. Ingin menguasai semua dgn baik secepat mungkin ku.. some things u just have to slowly learn and tackle one step at a time. hanya terkadang terasa penat being a leader.. i meant, new task, tough man! very much indeed! yeoww.....

But i remembered sumone dear, once, remind me again just previously  of the saying by dear prophet Rasulullah S.A.W., carilah ilmu sampai ke negeri China... i hope him as well, kept that close@heart and his troubled or worries of becoming a good idola and bapa kemerdekaan soon will worked out well in the end. Insyallah. Amin. We only human, we just gotta believe in ourselves. So i'm holding on to that lately.. buka segala buku, mentelaah mana yang dapat membantu... dari dulu pun i just love studying...so it is good that this just never stops for me.. but ya allah tolonglah aku jumpa satu answer ni yang aku perlu... i need it soon, i need to get it submitted!! yikes. :) esp, tomorrow, meeting, deadlines... so well better make this short, rest me eyes cepat, for tomorrow is yet to come!

Anyhow, looking the way things goes lately, i lewat pulang rumah, so my saturday and sunday is the only time for me with family... Sabtu yesterday, i went to work to cracked up my kebuntuan kerja, urgent... but tak lama, i cudnt solved all of it... So i went off early, as on my way back home, i just melayang, lost in myself driving, saying... hey i've been working hard lately, i shuld 've indulged my ownself... heeeee... at least my family been telling me over and over again that I shud be looking more executive and making myself happy. So this fortunate events came to happen whereabout, i felt shopping is indeed a Zen for me, so this time thank God i Say YES to it! is only the way how i appreciate myself, u know, sumlike, pat my own shoulder.. telling to myself.. "hey u've done Great, u shud get sumtin good for urself".

I've been meaning to change my cell. but i wouldn't trade the last one  tht i have even for the world, i'll just keep it real close. been looking around for some newbies that mite catch me eyes. Was always wanted an Iphone... but got jemu of the rapidly changing updated version, lagipun Iphone5 dah nak kuar. Ngada jer.. Price almost the same with others that i like. So my final Top 5 was.. IPhone, BlackberryTorch, LG 7, HTC Windows 7 and Samsung Wave Super Amoled! and..... drum roll please...

I took the Samsung Wave HD superAmoled! cos it is just a complete package for me! Foremost it is damn Slick, just like i wanna, same as Iphone + with Vid Call and most importantly it is the only new with High Definition LED! I just love the graphics. It is  a HD camera and video recorder in a cell!!! Lagipun, dulu SonyEricsson Walkman, now Samsung Wave... So tetap ada S-W.. for Sayang WINA... ahahahahaha.. nget ngot! ....So hey with unanimous vote from my family... I grab my new baby home! Syukur ya amat and happy.. Walaupun, masih.. agak terchallenged over kecanggihan my own cell... but insyaallah.. I will conquered you man! 

 

I love it.. so whilst today pun cuti.. ere some snap sini snap situ, saje2..

oh ya and this last pic, is our new gift for lil adam... ehehehe... Dia dapat jugak.. me, gma and mommy go dutch buy his brand new grow, ride and learn frm ToysR'us. Nampak simple, tapi it is all in one.. Computerized..Indeed very intellectual!!! Patutle mahal.. hehhe.. bukannye me "kedeks" ngn anak buah sendiri.. gila 'ba alip ba ya' i sayang dia kowt..., kalau boleh me rasa nak bawak balik satu gudang, cos semua best...tapi tak mampu.. ni pun me dah sengket! :p and another thing, byk toys yg i nak beli untuk diri sendiri, wahahahahahahha...  but Actually frm me heart, i wanna buy him a cart-car.. ya allah sexy kot.. all black, silver metal, comel.. nakal sgt.. exactly macam naked racing car! i sanggup beli babe, but G-mama and Mommy dia kata ganaz sgt, and he's too little..dangerous! arloo??? apedaa...:(

so akhirnya tiadala racing car buat adam.. untuk masa ini..I dah suruh the attendee kat ToysRUs simpan keta besar itu untuk i... cos I'LL BE BACK!!!! waahhaha..... so finally we brought back an A+ toy... plus with signals, , beribu lagu and macam2 ada...hehhehee! 

p/s: dear gma and kakak, still.. kena watch over adam when he hops on tht thang jugak! cos little precious tu tetap masih kecil.. ahhahaa! ngada lah korang!

 

oklah, nite, me nak chow, gua nak isya' sat.. and rilek2 layan diri di malam ahad!!! salam... muahh!

Pink... It's Not Even A Question!!!!

aa

aa

Kudos man! Am happy..., very much happy, my much-loved idol is on 2011 idol! the ever talented, Stephen Victor Tallarico a.k.a Steven Tyler, the main man of Aerosmith, the wackiest, gorgeous-beautiful (even with the too much botox, lidah panjang and big pouty mouth! yes, I still, to this moment adored him - x kisah, forever wanna marry him!!!!). Extra Plus this year, Standing in line with Randy Jackson "the Dawg!"  on the judges bench, as well as with the ever so beautiful sweet pretty ass latina Jenny on The Block - me fav Jennifer Lopez! Mrs Marc Anthony, ahh, I've just love them since way back, since their relationship but ended after NO ME AMES!!!! sad, but truth be told, endless love birds. do get back together in the end... with TWINS plak now in the family! hehehe... anyway, terpesong a bit bit... so then..,

Dear God, things juts got more sizzler and greater! nuff said! am definitely thrilled to experience this very season. It is indeed a hall of fame - A Superstar of Idol! KUDOS!

What Time is it Now ?

I couldn't help rolling my eyes and looking at my polo watch quite a few times..

Cursing a fren constantly, minute after minute! For whom berjaya juga paksa me drag me ass down to an event last nite...but siut aje... always.. making me the early bird again! waiting...dahle jiwa kacau kot.. ahahahaha... gugup kot! anyhow, last nite was the highlights for an art event, BMS 2010, it's the closure, appreciation to the winners! which i myself were very much anticipated to see and be a part of as well... but still, i was a little too reluctant early that day, for back & forth thingking, should i go? should i missed this nite? i am extra busy at work! hurm... finally, at my crazee working hours... a bitch fren called me up..! damn, ylah, me answered her! Yes You! forcing me, blackmailing me for the rest of me year if didn't show my butt out there tonight, and as whom yg slalunye janji manis, promised konon, after maghrib gerak... she won't be late this time. But, as we all know... Again... she is late! Blaming Arin pulak tu for driving slow! my ass, i know how arin is.. he's never late! I myself pun was later than him at one of our previous appoinment.

Anyhow, while me heart still pumping like hell inside, hurm awkward feeling and also tryna forget any sad /-tive aura...me silently waited in me car! as i kept calling and cursing a fren through the phone! till, i saw that familiar face, walking by, emerging slowly from the dark... a glimpse of someone i knew best, but lost touch! opps, did i say it right? ehehehe.. anyhow.. awkward juga jumpa awak.. me fav talented artist fren! such happiness seeing you. but tht was tht, just short acquaintance, smiled, laugh... and we went separate ways.

Finally, a buzzer coming from  my cell. Yup, they're both here now.. so i stopped my langkah and gladly me waited near the fountain.. actually rindu juga nk jumpa me gurl ni, lama benor dah dia calling texting bitching about me the alam maya, saying me too sombong... so yes, gladly in me heart, i came that nite... but damn... whilst waitiing, waving hand at her from a mere distance, another thing just happened, you know what, when your own heart is actually searching..... you did actually find a glimpse of that someone or his belongings! yikes! elegant looking, black! but, that is it!

end of story... no lah... syioknye, inside, many familiar looking faces.. the best is.. Whom You Hiding!!! encik bard... miss thta one babe.. and others... paling meriah seeing Intan.. love ya girl, and proud of ya! and yes to dear peter as well.. was a good chat we had! i'll be coming to visist soon! most definitely..

whilst, us gurls sibuk mengumpat and sharing silly joke banter.. the announcement was on. ahahah.. terpinga kot.. dah menang ke? silly, me and intan gelak... i said, "i can't believe you don't know babe?" she replied " she can't believe me don't know? tak kawan again..." ahahaha.. silly both laughed! :p intan.. intan...

finally me, senyapkan diaorg, interested to know... and bila azam's name was announced! yuhoooo gila kot.. chenta hati mak menang... ahahahahahahahahaha! congrats babe!!!! i love ya... wuhoooooo...tanhniah for ya  “Sudah Terang Lagi Bersuluh"  creative indeed, eerie frankenstein slayer!!!!

and then back-to-back pulak tu..? Next..



Drum Roll please....



"The Way It All Works by Haslin Ismail.. wins BMS 2010" U're the man babe! "wuhoooooo.. " me shouted me heart out from a distance! gila kot! Katun..! katun..! katun...!

so on, we went straight up to see karya, first to Azam... loving it.... next fav.. wow Nan See's, urs is genius! and near to end, me layan artwork Haslin.. at tht moment he was being interviewed.. so if u saw a roll of his footage senyum to someone! that was me! bongok katun, tgh interview boleh lambai org lain! hehehhe.. well that's make him uniquely him.. aite?

anyhow... had a great nite, but still can't run from the fact that am damn exausted, so then forth me  make me wise early move.. and reached home an hour later dlm gelap, at a long winding road... yikes!!!

the blower's daughter..

Poor singer/songwriter

Why it lingers to me? Straight to me heart...

been singin on my way back & forth to work these days.

Fool, it is just a SONG!

but damn straight is so very beautiful and poetic!

 

 

Could it be... such a sad story for young damien?

they say... " is about a young Damien who thinks he's in love with his clarinet teacher's daughter. She doesn't return his feelings and turns down his advances. He attempts to go on with his life and it goes fine, except he still thinks of her sometimes. The shorter story refers to the fact that she didn't return his feelings (no love, no glory) so their story ends sooner than he had hoped. When he says we'll both forget the breeze, it makes us think of a summer breeze, or a summer fling, so possibly they had a physical encounter. Colder water is like being splashed in the face with cold water or being hit with reality. The blower's daughter is obviously his clarinet teacher's daughter, a pupil in denial is Damien not wanting to admit that there is no future for them. I think as Damien gets older he realizes that he didn't actually love her, and that she treated him poorly. This is the loathing and the leaving it all behind. He realized it wasn't really love, and he'll get over it when he meets someone new. "

Could it be?

And so it is

Just like you said it would be

Life goes easy on me

Most of the time

And so it is

The shorter story

No love, no glory

No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes off of you

I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes...

And so it is

Just like you said it should be

We'll both forget the breeze

Most of the time
And so it is

The colder water

The blower's daughter

The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes off of you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?

Did I say that I want to

Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you

I can't take my mind off you

I can't take my mind off of you

I can't take my mind off you

I can't take my mind off you

I can't take my mind...

My mind...my mind...

'Til I find somebody new

D-day when we finally get together.. riuh rendah!!!

Saturday, 20110115

It was great day gurlfwen. 

1100 hrs - me getting ready to pick up me best fren ilut, inviting her for lunch at our very home here in Sg.Buloh. Had made this plan out with her from last week, cos x sempat to  spend my time with her that very same week.. cos me too sibuk  at work as well as mencari her wedding present kat IKEA minggu tu.. ahahahahahaks!!! So change of plan, i've invited her instead here for lunch at mi casa, lagi better.. bolehla dia jumpa mama and kakak as well. Her so called family angkat kan??  anyhow... also did invited liza and mya as well. but mya cudn't make it.. that girl sibuk siapkan all her persiapan in getting married this mid-year.. So i guess many things on her mind rite now, better jangan kacau.. besides, just us.. did, do fine...

Soon as mama getting ready with her cooking, (wanna know what she's making?) well it is my request actually - to do her famous spaghetti and caramel custard pudding! urm yummy.. i just bought the perkakas... and walla she just got it done beautifully! and so, terus i kena kerah pi ambik ilut cepat2... semua tak sabar benar jumpa ilut again...anyways.. so  here the story goes..

Seeing my petrol is half empty, so my first stop was to Petronas dulu, and i tot of going straight after tht, but knowing ilut dah begitu lama, confirm pompuan nih tak bangun lagi,.. confirm juga last nite, she went out clubbing!!! so wise move erwina, making tht wake up call to her.. knowing dia mmg baru terjaga when me called, i asked her to hit the shower fast, as i'm making my way there! garang kot i? hehhehe.. tindakan bijak seterusnya is to ambush umah liza dulu, culik dia and maira to teman i terus.. so takyah lah mak buyong hafto drive to my place walaupun hanya sekangkang kera aje jauhnye. eloklak, pooi pun ada kat rumah, izinkan she following me... and suh bawak maira sekali.. cos ayahnye nk time alone melukis.. ok pooi pegilah enjoy melukis tuh, btw, karya samjis tu.. wa mau chotta leh... fav saya kut??!!!  hehe.. then so forth.. we went ahead with the journey frm SBCR to Dang Wangi,..

1300 hrs - wow gila kot saturday in Kl, sejak pindah ni, always play around damansara aje.. i guess sebulan kot tak masuk kl.. and saturdays some how.. terasa jem sungguh.. but we made it there.. called ilut to hurried dwn... and as soon as i saw that bloody bitch SO-CALLED married gurlfwen of mine terloncat model aka victoria beckham dpn my car... terus jeritan and hugging moments goin on.. always the best feeling! she introduces us to her adik ipar, which is intan... lagi mereng.. and as usual... 3 pompuan sarawak in my car.. rasa nk campak aje semua keluar kete.. eh, did i forget, 4 laydees rupenyer.. cik maira kenit kita? terlupa? hehehe.. but as usual, 3 mulut tempayan sarawak lawan 1.. so my conversation aje replied in bahasa or english.. dema hampeh...go on jer.. kedak ya lah, ibohla, madah cam ya... kimak ek.. hehehe.. keep on yabbling sarawakian.. choy!!! but still, the conversation 2-3 ways ni  dh biasa and always works for us...hahaha.. yg i tahu,... muka kodiat, gambong bujat! wahaha..

1400 hrs - damn it, terasa jauhlah pulak heading back to my place... but one cool thing... bleh wa gelak dulu tak...? bleh la2 boleh la? ilut is just the same ilut.. dah kawen pun kena kawal ketat hehehehe... as she enters with us, terus kena report call hubby dia.. The hubby  -'ewan' knew she was out to lunch with me and family.. and he was thrilled about it as well.. so yeah, that was my first conversation dgn my bestgurl husband! he sounded cool! baik aje.. happy for u guys babe!!

aite, then finally we arrived at my housing area.. intan and ilut was just in love of the area.. goody they likey as me likey as well... and as soon as we sampai depan rumah.. mangkas ni terus buat bising... yeah, poser we did shoot more photos. again. semuanya untuk ALIBI. si ilut,...kah kah kah.. cibai betul kawan aku nih..

Anyways.. masuk dalam ajer,.. terus she lari naik atas cari mama.. and foremost awal tadi juga harus berlawan mulut rindu ngn kak leen dolok.. yeah.. hahaha sweet moments.. good ones.. i feel like there's many to tell, too many lawak things and conversation just take place.. bout married life, anak, sex, work, things and sorts... sharing thoughts.. good and bad..funny and of everyone was acclaiming how delicious mama's food are.. siap semua sapu licin bungkus bawak balik lagi... heheheh... but how bout i just being kedekut, and wrote this as simple as it cud be.

1600 hrs: them two laydees have to go off early, wanna do some final shopping before pulang ahad malam, and also yeah, ilut ada ngedate lain later.. hampeh.. mak tak masuk campur noks!! anyways, so after lovely goodbyes from my family, thereforth mula balik journey to kl.. first drop hantar mak buyung and maira pulang... and we continues!

otw, just me and ilut, and intan yg cantik dan gila terbaring kat belakang, enjoying the ride home and chatting.. she asked whats next for me, when is my turn? she asked whether am still waiting for the married man? I said no lah.. i dunno, all i knw is he gave me up.. so he is no better man. i'm trying to be happy.. that's all i'm doing. smiling always.. mata berkaca sket,.. but am ok! and ..... all she cud reply after that is, do i remember still her relationship with a married man as well, just before she finally with Ewan and got married?.. saying.. "i love the man very much too, but he is just to selfish of a man. and the first wife always think that us the third person is a bitch, takde maruah, and laki itu pula terus sanggup berubah buat kita macam tiada maruah, lupa semua.. bila comes down to choosing things, forget us easily.. and last sekali hilang! senang aje..! nafsu semata! bodoh.. Untuk kita, this will only caused trouble.. so aku pun blah... cos aku takut kena santet dgn first wife dia!" 

Ahahahahahahahahahaah.. ilut, ilut... in my head masa tuh.. wow, she's really and always is a tough girl, and as hard i try to believe that dia mmg sayang gila kt kat ex dia tuh, and i could feel she sedih as well, i kenal tht feeling..Cos u trust tht person so much! lain rasanye, commitment yg kita juga buat, tapi senang pula untuk dilupakan. hurm... but still ilut.. u no hallah, cos u dari dulu mmg byk laki kot.. ahahaha.. anyways gurlfwen i love u to death! and thank goodness u found ur darling angel Ewan at last.. wish u all the happiness in the world til anak cucu! huhu..

and as for me.. maybe benar, zaman sekarang tiada siapa kot akan percaya keihklasan atau situasi pihak ketiga...diaorg tak mungkin nampak kita.. tiada perlu looking back. pasti ada yang lebih baik.. kerna suami yang baik tidak akan menzalimi, adalah suami yang mampu bersikap adil, mampu memberi dan mendengar, penyabar sebenarnya, pembimbing anak-anak dan juga pembimbing tiang agama kita, kemudian barulah dia segalanya untuk kita.. jiwa raga kita. ini yg i dapat adaptasi from tanyalah ustaz pagi tadi..

Hurm, anyhw.. so now i feel like, wanna cuba proposal ilut and intan.. them wanna kenalkan i with this one guy... gila i takut kot.. mcamana nak mula balik? but hey.. they are proud of me, for am no longer smoking as well as sy dah fully bertudung! kecuali kat rumah le.. hehehehe.. dgn style iranian lagi.. chewaah, iranian konon..??? hahahahaa.. anyhw, now all i need to do is.. mempercantikkan diri.. to cari pasangan hidup.. haha.. bleh tak? doakan me pls? altho' atas keizinan allah swt, insyaallah. (maafkan picas dlm rumah...last kt showing pics like these.. at least, i'll try! sebab tu x heran pun walau rambut serabai... wahahaha!)

1700 hrs: reachin May Tower.. a little sad feeling saying goodbye.. sad cos tak berkesempatan to hantar her to KLIA malam ahad, cos now i dah tinggal jauh sngt. so that was that.. that was our goodbye. She wanna arrange tix for me to kuching next.. i have to visit her there soon she said.. Yes, it is always in my planning, but now rather too busy at work! but will do someday, and i'll be seeing u soon my dear fren..

1800hrs : journey reaching home was rather lonely...

'Asap rokok best-fren 666 Jin & Saitan!' I wanna cium heaven, InsyAllah...

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dearest centa hati...

Ada Beran? ehehe..

This is love.. love you much kiddo!

(Tq sista, tahu aje mommy adam text michik. Agak tersentuh jiwa terus di office! Michik tau, michik asyik kerja lewat lately...last nite pun only menyelinap kiss adam senyap2, tis morning keluar sejurus subuh. Sejak menyandang jawatan baru ni, iye mmg penat.. tapi tetap syukur. Ok siap arrange programmes jap, and terus pulang ok!) p/s: bukannye saje2 sanggup mengulat blog ni jap, cuma merehatkan otak ajer, and adoiyai... kalah dgn emosi belakangan ini.. bila nak strong balik ni.. I need time out lah.. Need to fly!!!!

 done for now.. lepas ni back-to-back meeting lagi..

September (Leave This Town) ~ Daughtry

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Fever Part II - It's a Big World.. Soon I will forget, soon I will forgive, and then maybe I'll find happy for me...

.... There's just something heart dare not share. it took a while to eat it all in alone.. Tears can dry...even if it took a mere month passing you by... but yes, slowly, it dried up in the end. 

.... From that evening I left that painful ingatan, heartache drive away, pulling me far away from a face of sumone of dear love - whom I dreamed of; tears, heart-broken, harsh words he thrown out to you where u doa no one would be ever be said to that way, EVER AGAIN!... but how would 'one' whom gave love unconditionally ever predict this cud happen again? from that moment on, masih I ingat, I have no place to go, to run, dare not share and so i hide..., cried all nite out alone at a strange place. And with my sad eyes, I can't even walk under the sun the very next day... bengong juga pikir balik.. painful, glaring mata ini, "damn i lost my sun-shades.. where is it when u need one huh?" anyhow, cared less, the pain of my eyes is definitely un-comparable to the pain i hold inside. nobody knws wut i wallow in self-pity that day. 

.... Sleepless nite beberapa malam ke beberapa minggu, but thank god.. iman ku masih kuat, slowly gather my thoughts finding ways and strength. Lagipun, masalah politic di office ketika itu sedang hangat menular.. ending up, am the last one standing in my dept. lain diberhentikan. So, saya sahut cabaran itu, untuk bekerja creatively sendirian. tapis semua yg tidak penting, slowly, alhamdulillah, I could be able to manage it alone.

.... Therefore, if that couldn't break me down, tak patut aku akur pada kekalahan yang lain. I made a promise to myself, to everyday put on a mask, a straight face and go on. Never thot i cud promise myself and to actually do it,  not a single cry no more for this lost, and further moving on up, never ever look back again, to never give in to this lost, cause deep inside i know am better than this. how can i not be?? regardless of what he have said., kdgkala yes, masih lingers in my ears, sayup hati for making me feel like am no better woman.. but hey, kalau benar kata-katamu. tak mungkin aku yg kini dihormati pada usia ku ini, atas usaha ku sendiri.. diberi peluang melangkah kedepan atas pembawakan diri.. therefore i know now, not me who failed us.. it was u who failed ME! kau yang memungkiri janji, bukan aku... kau yang melupakannya... bukan aku...hanya aku yang inginkan, agar kita berbahgia ke anak cucu... so yeah, stupid making the same mistake twice, damn fool, not even twice... it was way more thn tht huh? silly me, thought of when kita kena musibah ilahi sebelum2 ini, we would grow up, kita makin ingat tuhan, and things semakin matters. kita maksudkan apa yang kita luahkan. kadangkala, i feel strongly to ask, me juga human, ada perasaan, ada nyawa, why hurt me? why me? cause you do know how..., i love you... and so forever i will.. but i guess, when u're wrong about someone, you are just wrong forever about him. never will he change. no matter hw hard you pray he would become your pure guidance and pure love.

.... Cos you know wut, things are just what it is! alahai...

aite, better stop mumbling before hati mendiam diri kembali.. pelan2 kan... insyaallah, ada nanti kebahagiaan untuk saya nanti. as for now. i'm sorry for writing these. cud it be feverish act, cud it be me sad!

salam..

Big World by Emilia

I'm a big big girl
in a big big world
It's not a big big thing if you leave me
but I do do feel that
I too too will miss you much
miss you much...

I can see the first leaf falling
it's all yellow and nice
It's so very cold outside
like the way I'm feeling inside

I'm a big big girl
in a big big world
It's not a big big thing if you leave me
but I do do feel that
I too too will miss you much
miss you much...

Outside it's now raining
and tears are falling from my eyes
why did it have to happen
why did it all have to end

I'm a big big girl
in a big big world
It's not a big big thing if you leave me
but I do do feel that
I too too will miss you much
miss you much...

I have your arms around me ooooh like fire
but when I open my eyes
you're gone...

I'm a big big girl
in a big big world
It's not a big big thing if you leave me
but I do do feel that
I too too will miss you much
miss you much...

I'm a big big girl
in a big big world
It's not a big big thing if you leave me
but I do feel I will miss you much
miss you much...

my saturday nite fever...

Salam,

hurm.. today's plan for best fren day out bertukar to menjadi me day with lil adam again... not that saya tak mahu bersosial lagi., since.. u know...! cuma, the truth.., i was looking forward to today actually to hang out with Ilut... yup she's in KL... til next week only before she balik kuching! and yes, ini kira make-up to my janji yg tak kesampaian to showed up at her wedding day last year!!! again sorry gurlfwen... anyhow, this plan will be make possible to tomorrow insyallah.. 

Wut to do! woke up saje, subuh tadi, terasa makin badan panas, and batuk2, haiya... feverish pula pagi ini... i guess semenjak merangkap manager ni (ehehehe.. senyum simpul bila menyebut ini), too much work was put on my shoulder and have to organized alone kini activities thrughout 2011.. travelling seminars lagi... wow.. btw, have i told u, alahamdulillah saya akan masuk sekolah kembali...if i happened to have pen about this down in my blog here than i do apologized, but if i havent..yet? so yes, i will masuk sekolah balik... higher learning Photography and Creative Anim... manakata.. bertambah ketatlah schedule monday to sunday saya... still, syukurku padamu ya Allah.. Am ready for the challenge and rezeki u're giving!

Alrighty as i said, am such feverish today...i know how i kena, berjangkit budak2 office nih, confirm!.. so i guess i wanna rehat now. but before tht.. as usual, layan sket nak act muhammad adam firdaus today!!! sempat i snap a few... my badammm2x saya... ubat penawar hati. okie dokies, ending nw.. salam.