# Some time in sad day of LAST SEPTEMBER…
I was soon found myself judging everything from that very moment - In the love business. That one last phone call with him, it finally triggered me sense and sensibility ~ One word, “LIAR!”… Happily I was, just the day before, for it was still love for me and him, like normal people do… phrasing day by day...“catch you later tonite, muaxx muaxx, miss you, love u much, take care, have a safe ride, salam..” and then unfortunately…all of the sudden, something worst than ever came to my knowledge… WOW! That was it!!!! Dead END! Unbelievable! STRIKE THREE, and you’re out! I have had it, it was enough for me… Muak with all of his lies throughout these years. Finally my heart just given up (not literally tho’, so to speak). It is always all about him.. Finally Man, finally… how relentlessly tired it was, struggling, anticipate, waiting, hoping all these years, trusting, supporting dearly, fights, forgiving, make ups, endearing love, arguments, forgiving again, building up wall of trust again.. and finally damn it again.. TWO THUMBS DOWN.., for putting my head and hopes up so very high, for so long, for what?? Asking to myself in regret... For the things he wishes, promised and says he would do, for that he would change for the better? Has he? Never!! For time and time again.. he did something else.. Manis mulut saja.. Shockingly!! So indeed shockingly.. Until the end, it all comes down to all for nothing.. Nothing at all.. Wasted feelings, Crap.. It was all crap. Rubbish, BULLshit, big fat liar... and yes so many words and more can described the actual feeling one can carry. But the most heartfelt it was to me when this time it was full with mere sadness and hatred very-very deep inside. “From powerful sincere love to loathe”. Betrayal after betrayal... One just could no longer have a bigger heart to ever forgive and forget... Oh no, not again. Never! Why lah… Shit, shit, shit.. (sorry.., Astragfirullahazim) Why oh why, the very one you loved, becomes the one who makes you wanna cry???? Received few packs at the back from close friends and emails, saying, “dear girl, I know you well, move on, you’re tough enough, he’s so not deserving.. I’am also his ex’s this and that, I’ve told you so.. he will get his payback soon enough, take this anger and turn it into new dedication and will power in future undertakings, pheww, many more..” thank you all, some are harsh and hard tho’ but yet – I have read it, clearly understood it well, and I am a believer now..!. – Truthfully, I did move on… I have give him away. It is the hardest thing to do, but the best. Hell will I ever look back, hell will I ever respect him again. But even from deepest love to hate, I wish u have all the things that your heart desire. I wish you happy.. What more you want in your life, may you have it! If you wanna remarry again, please please please do it right. Never ever hurt and played anyone’s heart ever again. Am begging you please. Stop the cruelty to women, to your loving wife and your kids most specially. For me, simple, you had played me enough all these years, for sure I think you are bored of me (therefore u did all that to me) and so therefore again, am begging you never ever hurt me again. I’ll brush you out of my life, by having this big faith that I am better than all the things you said about me. I know the truth, and you’re not worthy enough for me. And forever you will never be. Am better off without you. But because I have loved you, I wish you well. End.
(Wow masih marahnya i? ahaha, not really. bygone should be bygone. nak buat macamana kan, liku kehidupan.. I masih berpegang pada cinta, kasih dan percaya. I cuma berdoa, jgnlah perkara ini terjadi pada insan lain, tak sanggup babe. Altho’, what goes around comes around, serpihan notty I dahulu mungkin..penghapus dosa.. at least jahil I yang satu itu, dapat merubah I kini and sedar di usia muda. And I am so ready to love someone like RAY!!!! Hehe.. seriouslylah.. I am ready, but sgt takut je.. Ray.., he is so different! Adored him dari jauh, hehe :) So anyhow.. back to business, ini hanyalah my last Confession of a broken heart_again_just to remind and be reminded_once again. I have had enough, and also for my sister who is if in reading… am not still in love with him, am up to a new chapter insyaallah”. I am forever will be sad for who he is in real, but yet I will be happy for him. That is all, sincerely that is all that I have left for him. In the end, I wish him well)
Oh ya, why today me typed this one out.. cos am having feverish kowt.. feeling a little mellow, I guess, who knows..
P.s: I did moved on actually.. At my recent office event, I performed Warwick Avenue by Duffy. Yuhoo… Erwina sings again.. I meant it while singing this time… and NO I did not cry.. At first, I practiced for my fav “Bohemian Rhapsody” but the minus one we had was awful.. so nope, reject.. Next I was thing of doing Adele “Someone like you – but I do not want someone like “you” no more” SO REJECT.. ahahhaa.. and lastly Warwick Avenue fits me perfectly.. It actually gave me the will power that I longed for. It tells my story. I feel to sing it.. And the for the finale, I did a duet with my lil sista here (friendly banter – 1 tahun muda jer, ahaha) – Cik Mia… she was pushing me actually,.. We did it in the end, sing our heart out “When you believe, Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey… “hampeh mia, I did Mariah” jenuh mak jerit.. ahhaha.. but overall, beautiful! :) love the memory, waiting for the video now from the german videographer.. yikes.. hope it is good in playback! Anyhow, thank you for the standing ovation.. best colleague and group of people ever.. love ya’ll xoxo.
Hey now, that is it. Salam.
Erwina FaceLift!
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