Hearie, hearie... i know for those who knew me knows that, how crazee madly in love i am with rock star's as such Chris Daughtry, Armand Maulana, and Steven Tyler.., oh well tis is jst to name a few of my mst fav lah.! Seriously who wouldnt love them?... Daughtry swift me off my feet when he first started out in American Idol, n promisingly til now, with his band and their newbie 'No Surprise', and lovin each and every tracks from the 1st album'..., GiGi undoubtedly amazing with their incredibly ever so so good stylistic meaningful songs and albums...., and stevie having hundreds of crazee massive tracks back from a new rockstar finding stardom, to a drug junkies, to rehabitliation and to defeating and turning their karma around, n coming back rockin the Aerosmith's fan all ova the globe! PHEW!!
u know wut? surprisingly me, now, am also so fond of the All American Rejects! Yup! Yup! n trust me! they're GOOOOOD! heehee! saw them performin at d world stage Malaysia 09! wow!! definitely had me blown away! esp d ever so crazy vocalist on stage, my new man... Tyson Ritter! i just love tis guy man! he's superbly super-natural! n also finding myself lovin each of their singles! u know like.. 'it ends tonight', 'move along', 'the ciggarette song', 'dirty little secrets', n current most fav 'GIVES YOU HELL' and 'I WANNA'..... Oh..Em..Gee! I just love them man! ALL HAIL FOR THE REJECTS! ahahahaa! :)
and hey, hw bout some info on these rejects:
'Tyson Ritter (vocals/bass) and Nick Wheeler (guitar/programming) were in junior high when music started to influence them. Both were stuck in the ho-hum life of small-town America. Stillwater, OK, wasn't exactly the most exciting place in the world, so naturally the boys turned to music. While Ritter was staying up late, watching music videos, and rocking out to AC/DC, Wheeler was on the other side of town raiding his sister's music collection of Def Leppard, Poison, and Bon Jovi records. Wheeler soon picked up a guitar and later mastered the drums and piano. By high school, both were music freaks and in their own little cliques. At a party, Ritter spotted Wheeler; it's safe to say that the spiky rock fun of the All-American Rejects was established right there. Mike Kennerty (guitar) and Chris Gaylor (drums) were added to Wheeler and Ritter's rascal group by 2000 and the band was official...'
‘Stand up little girl, broken heart can be that bad’
I believe that love is what keeping our world and everyday life at peace, saving us from destructive wars or any unfortunate forthcoming hatred anger. I’m still holding on to that beliefs, ‘Spread Love to all at all times at any caused’, ‘Do goodness unto others, like you pray and hope they do unto you’, and, ‘Never easily judge any oneself as disgraceful and punished them harshly for the small unfortunate mistake they make and thus, hurting others by their actions when they have regretfully crossed that fine line between ‘Right’ and ‘Wrong’; ever before knowing the truth and reasons for them not carrying the weight of the heavy world’.
To me, loving someone is knowing that you would go far beyond you’d ever imagined, sometimes even crossing that fine line of right and wrong for that special person, believe strongly in your love and always being there supporting them no matter how hardship unnumbered coming your way, or at least you would rather die trying wanting to be forever with till your final breath in this world, that is loan to you by the one creator for all living kind, the almighty Allah SWT. Being loved back by someone you love, is the utmost beautiful powerful thing that could ever happen to a person; which makes and keeps you stronger more and more living each day, having faith and gratitude to his/her love, holding strong through the ups and down, smiling, crying towards togetherness, happiness, and forever is thankful to God, for this gift from heaven, sent your way that you would cherished every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every month, every year, for all your life.
I have always dedicated my heart sincerely, my all, my life to my loved ones; always knowing that I have to work real hard staying true and being worthy of; I’m also only a small fragile human being who make mistake, therefore I shall seek forgiveness and be more forgiving; but neither shall I ever forget the good nor the bad; for I wish this love to have long last. But unfortunately, things doesn’t always happen the way you wished for and I do know that now, sometimes love is not good enough; my love is just not good enough for some. Sometimes, you found love at all the wrong places, at all the wrong times and at all the wrong hearts. But when that happens to you, the choices you bravely make earlier, the hard road you willing to take and even no matter how big sincere effort you’ve given for the world to understand in hope that they would be giving you at least a slightest small chances; undoubtedly in that long-winding destiny of yours, there will always be an uphill battle where unknowingly you’ll sometimes bound to lose. Sometimes loves comes around you, and sometimes it knocks you down, and then even when you try to keep back up, it just knocks you down… and it hurts you so bad and cuts you deeper and deeper, finally leaving you all alone bleeding in love that is running through your veins. But however painful and sad the truth is…, that’s just how your story ends. ‘Fairy tales don’t always have a happy ending do they?’ I guess not, not for some unlucky ones!
‘ Stand up little girl,
Broken heart can be that bad,
When is through, is through!
The faith between the both of you… ’
But even though you’re deeply sorry for yourself being torn apart now, for how all that has happen; at every night you cry yourself to sleep, thinking, why does this happen to you? Why does every moment have to be so hard? And why is it still not over at each of those dreadful nights? You just have to keep on living, staying stronger than you were ever before and reached out to your faith that is within you, for a new beginning shall unravel slowly without you knowing it… at each and every chapter of your life ends. No matter how hard it is the steps you’re taking from now on, moving on with your life while carrying the sadness, emptiness and intimidating feelings every now and then for not knowing if you could ever give your heart to another and be in love again, for you are so very afraid of just how another story would ends; you just have to leave it all to God, and never stop loving yourself dearly and those who is around you that loves you for you, for who you truly are, for the beautiful you, and shall never ever walk away hurting you and watching you fall. And remember as the saying goes… ‘What goes around eventually comes around’.
I woke up quite late in the afternoon yesterday, and I couldn’t get out of bed for I am still feeling dizzy, it must’ve been caused by the amounts of pills that I have been taking lately; that’s must be the only reason for it, in my mind, cos, day to day, I would feel awful, dizzy, but yet also, the meds does making me feel much better than the day before. So, I can’t argue much! But waking up realizing that ‘Whoa… I actually missed another day at work again!’, is not actually a good feeling to be having when ur not well, it just makes u feel more emotional… and realizing that, u really wish that u were actually up and healthy working, as well as being with ur colleagues to be wishing ur boss his special day together… but sadly, that’s not happening the way that I hoped for. Hence, I sincerely I could only do this;
12:26 pm – text sent to my boss;
‘Happy Birthday Engku, wishing you a blessed birthday.
And truly sorry for being sick. Salam’
12:29 pm – msg received;
‘Thank you, wina’
Having sent that message, I feel a little better, for at least I did not forget! :) And later, there’s an incoming call to my cell… it was my sist.
Safrina: ‘ Assalammualaikum atiq… how are you today? Kat rumah ke? ’…
Erwina: ‘ Wa’alaikummussalam kak. Yes, atiq baru je bangun. Must be my meds, Pening. Cos tak sedar pun pagi ni…’
Safrina: ‘ Kakak tgh driving kat town ni, cari RHB for mama. And I need your help today lah, to teman me pegi clinic. Cuzz, I did my own test, and I think I’m pregnant! Ahahaha’ (laughter of joy!)
Erwina: ‘ Ya Allah! Yayy! (my small scream of joy) Ye ke kak? Syukur alhamdulillah! So, r u coming to pick me up now ke? We can go to the clinic kt KL, no need lah to patah balik Seremban, kakak overnite ngan atiq je lah tonite! Ok? ’
Safrina: ‘ Ok, am going to buy another pregnancy test kit kat pharmacy jap lagi, I’ve checked last nite, Positive. But, takutlah nk pergi straight to d doctor! kakak nk balik rumah first, solat dulu, feed the cats, and then terus drive to ur house owtey? ’
Erwina: ‘ Owtey, no problemo! Just get here safe n sound, n me drive u to a clinic! Ok, take care, salam kak. Bye! ‘
Safrina: ‘ Salam. Bye! ‘
I was actually shocked by the news, it kinna lifted up my spirit n strength! And deep inside I was overjoyed n extremely thankful to GOD, for the news that my only dearest big sister is actually Pregnant! Yay, syukur sgt, I straightly grabbed my mobile n start texting my closest friends to share this happiness of mine, for InsyaAllah, ‘mua’, ‘me’, ‘I’ will be getting my own little angel cum slight gangster anak saudara in about 8 months or so! Just joking! :) … oh well, for those who are close enuff to us, Go Figured lah, why I said so?! Heeheee… Anyhow, Iqram was surprised and silently happy about it I guess! Gladly I was given the privileged to break d news to him!! hehehehehe… He said kita beraya sama nanti. Hurm…, ;) Oh well, forget him for now! He’ll be calling soon, so for now let’s just let him concentrate on his shooting or whateva priority first…
Anyhow, I accompanied my sist to d clinic later that evening for her first pregnancy scan, and how I felt like crying; having seeing the visual of god’s beautiful gift on the screen. Wut’s more beautiful than seeing another being, in one’s being? Rite?! And the ultimately tall gorgeous looking Indian doctor which was attending us; who had his head bandanas on which obviously signify himself as the owner of the expensive, huge and beautiful looking HARLEY that amazed me, which he ‘selfishly’ parked inside the clinic, where the patience waiting area were, grrrr - HAPPILY congratulate my sister and explained us the sweet news, where the age of my sista’s pregnancy is currently 4 weeks n 4 days… n she’s due to b givin birth ‘18 May 2010’… heee, my sist was happily saying, if with god’s will, the new edition to our family, cucu sulung, will be born having the same date as mine! How shweeet! But, surely am not putting my hopes high for that, I just wished for my sister’s safety during her pregnancy and the baby to be born healthy as can be. :) ‘Doaku ikhlas padamu Ya Allah, ku bersuykur atas rahmat dan rezeki yang kau kurniakan pada keluarga kecil kami ini Ya Allah, dan ku mohon selamatkanlah dan berilah perlindungan kepada kakakku dan kandungannya dari segala bala yang nampak dan juga yang tidak nampak. Amin yarabial’alamin.'
Anyhow, of course lah, my sista n my bro in law was d most ecstatically happy and bersyukur sgt2 ke hadrat illahi for rezeki ini… n so was I and both our family. My bro in law, abg bunc, sadly is currently away, on duty, working on a ship off-shore, so the happy couple; they’re both smiling and bermanja to each other on their 3G Video call for the time being, with me menyebok at the background! Hehe… But No worries abunc, soon u’ll be grabbing, hugging, and surely kissing my sista here n there… ahahaha… when u’re back from work in November, n us coming n picking u up in Kemaman. Which I actually am looking forward to that trip also, cos I’ll be getting my own room facing the beach! :) Ehehehe, u guys promised alrite?!... And how, I just loved getting away and travel.
But there’s one worrying thing when abunc said to me that wanna make me opt to becoming ‘ANGELICA’ now – u know the sassy girl in Rugrats?! Which we all love and hate at the same time for her nasty tricks here n there?! Hehe! Better think again abunc?! He said that, ‘me’ no more be getting any treats/ belanja from him now. Likewise, I pulak yang have to be the good aunt and start spending on my new anak saudara to be nanti, Huh, yikes! Ahahaha! But hey, dun worry lah, I cud do that! Easy peasy maa, the things that I do know best.., spoiling d new baby with lotsa toys from Toys’R’Us and sharing much love! That is totally A-OK for me, but cutting me out totally, wei, kina kejam lorr… no way hose man! Ehehehe! I’m still and always will be the beloved smart bubbly cutest sadly broken-hearted, a loner SIL remember?! Sob.. Sob.. sedih! So faham2 je lah BIL yek? For therefore I’ll be just the way I am now and cont being me! HAHAHAHA! (Gelak Jahat)
Lagipun kan before knowing that my sister is pregnant, I’ve realized and only saying to myself that she act been munching a lot these days; tidbits and craving many, but cudn’t get a clue and didn’t say a word then, cos she stays steadily healthy jer! Me pulak yg on the other hand, was act down with long sickness, and knowing and realizing all that now, and since my BIL’s not around either, me n kakak both agreed that rasanya atiqlah yang kena tempias of morning sickness kakak tau...! sebab I was the one who’s been vomiting, and feeling nauseating day to day til now! Rasa mual je! Sampai low BP atiq! Haih~ :) tian kan? So…dun ever forget tht tau dear BIL! :) muahh! So, u guys owe me tht! Eheheh! Alaa lagipun, who else you guys gonna seek for help to babysit nanti, if not me kan? U guys pun dah asked me this favor earlier rite? So, a little wager for me won’t hurt aite? And how bout we agreed to this, I’ll be the sweetest lovable aunty ever on earth that you cud find, and u guys pulak just relax and cont keeping me happy… hehehe! It’s all GOOD dun u think? Definitely we are set for a good family lifetime together eventually! Ehehehe! Amin from my side and sentiasa berdoa for u guys! :p
‘Alone malam ini, terlepas OPRAH Primetime BigTIME!'
Am all alone tonight, sitting in front of my pc, starting typing out these thoughts n regrets that I have in my head. Hurm, sedihnya.., wanna know why?! Oh well, by looking at the time a little too late tonight, I find myself just not in the mood whatsoeva anymore to watch any other shows dats on TV. Funny huh?! Cos I just realized that I’ve missed my Oprah Primetime… BIGTIME tonight.., which I have been waiting n reminding myself everyday, the whole week for it… but yet somehow, still, YES, stupidity leak me, I’ve missed the show! Bummer3x!! Until now, I still couldn’t believe it! I better hope me catches its rewind soon or just shall never again! Ish, hatin’ this! And know why was I so bumped about it?? One word, Justin! He’s on tonite, hahahaha!! Oh well, ‘It’s All That!’. How strangely funny when the simplest thing can actually make me smile or sad easily now… uhh!
Wanna know how this happen? Well, my housemate, she’s not around, went back to her parents for d weekend break, like her every other weekend. And as for me, I didn’t spent this weekend of mine in Seremban with my sista, for I have been so unwell and sumthing else came up, I’ll get to it later, So I guess I was kinna bored today, alone at home, tired of watching movies by myself, and so right after berbuka and after me done with all my prayers earlier tonight. I totally forgotten about d show and kinna make myself busy for something else. I went straight locking myself up in my room cleaning up my bed, things and books.., relaxed a while before later taking up my meds; finishing drinking my salt for today, which I actually have to take ‘IT’ more seriously from now on, for I have been so sick n weak almost a week now, where the last time I checked, my BP was impressively LOW. Congratulations Erwina for that latest achievement of urs! Hehee :p… And finally, after all that is done, it then snapped in this small brain of mine, where I quickly turn myself around looking for the time being, and sadly knowing then it’s far too late, and I have actually missed tonite’s OPRAH!! Oh well wut to do then huh? And so it is... this is my how and why, writing these out began…
And so here I am, with no mood to do other things, with no net connection at home, having typing and saving this onto my usb, which I wish to be uploaded later tomorrow on my recently created personal-site of mine.., IF lah, fortunately hopefully I could just find a little time tomoro, which I know to be very busy… hurm! But, the page is totally dead empty rite now.., so definitely I gotta start something somewhere somehow quick! Or it’ll be just ‘Nothing’ and useless for its existence in the cyber world, and totally a waste of space and address! Ahahaha, and ohh, while typing these now, in the background, PINK’s track is currently played; I turned on slow my fav saved music playlist which I named it – ‘the melodramatic’! ... Suits the mood that I‘ve been having inside! … ;(
The truth is, other than writing about my tiny big regrets for not watching OPRAH tonite, haha, I, urm, actually have other things dat I wanna share actually… this one is rather a much happier story… but before I ended tonite’s chapter, at the clocks strikes 12:25am, I sent out a birthday MMS to a dear sister/manager of mine for having her birthday today.
12:25 am – text sent to my kak imah;
*inserted a picture of sum1 who definitely make her heart smile. ehehe*
‘Salam Birthday Dear Sist, Warmest wishes to you..
..may this special day of urs revolves with most happiness,
and thus, brings richer love, wealth & health.
Miss u n love u wholeheartedly,
Erwina!’
12:29 am – msg received;
‘Thx wina for the beautiful wishes. Tak sangka esok I kena warded, how sad.
I really hope something miracle happen 2mrw.’
Ending to that, I sincerely pray to Allah SWT, for kak Imah’s safety tomorrow, and semoga dikuatkan her semangat and with god’s will, InsyaAllah, procedure esok akan selamat dan sukses selamanya. Amin,
